This? Is Not OK: Til-Death-Do-Us-Part Marriages

by Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] on January 3, 2012

in All About Me,Family,Married Life,This? Is Not OK

My Family: Setting a bad example for future generations.

I was raised in an abnormal household of two un-divorced, full-blooded parents with a full-blooded sister. It’s a wonder I even turned out to function like a semi-normal person with all of the surrounding abnormalities.

I’m pretty sure the chances of me becoming a semi-well-adjusted person after being brain-washed by my parents who planned to have me after being married several years into a stable household are slim.

It’s just not normal! I can only hope to hide from the world my shame as someone who is different.

There may be hope for my abnormal family life after all. Though my parents are still married and have been for 42-1/2 long years, there’s sunlight on the horizon of the agony of their longtime marriage.

My parents have turned into their parents, and I can now justify their asylum commitments.

Growing up, each of my parents separately urged me and my sister to kill, or at the least commit, them if they ever turned into acting like their own parents. Now in their 60s, my mom and dad bicker and fight and argue and mumble under their breath at one another more than I ever witnessed my grandparents doing. I just spent 12 days at my parent’s house. Covering my ears and singing loudly when they started nit-picking at one another was my only way of coping.

The problem here is clear: they learned it by watching their parents and their parents before them. My mom’s parents are STILL alive and married after 40 years of wedded bliss and 20+ years of wedded angst. Before they both died, my dad’s parents were exactly the same.

I can hear the "just take the damn picture" and the "would you just shut up and look at the damn camera" said just before this was taken.

Being married for over 40 years is clearly the milestone marker for insanity.

You people who come from divorced parents and split-up families, basically the normal, everyday American household, are lucky. You don’t have the examples set by people like my parents and grandparents that staying together until the end of time is OK.

It’s not OK, because like the abscessed growth on your finger you refuse to acknowledge, never-ending marriage will end in throbbing pain and someone offering to pop it for you.

Though at least when you’re married to someone for that long, you have someone who will squeeze the puss. Just don’t mind when she does it a little too painfully just because she can. She’s earned that benefit. And he’s earned the right to use 16 colorful words to throw at her while she does it.

I’m going to repurpose those drug PSAs from the 90s: “I LEARNED IT BY WATCHING YOU, ALRIGHT. I learned it by watching you.” We should be so lucky to have learned how to smoke pot from you. Instead, we learned how to make it to old age, married in wedded angst.

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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Crystal January 3, 2012 at 2:38 pm

My parents have been divorced for almost 10 years, but my grandparents were married for over 50, my aunt and uncle for over 35 and another aunt and uncle for 25 years this year. I know how strange it is when someone says, “Your parents are married?” in an accusatory manner. People literally used to stare in disbelief when my mom answered “yes” when they asked if all three of us had the same father.

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2 Kelli @ Momma Needs a Beer January 3, 2012 at 3:14 pm

LOVE the 90s commercial reference. I can totally hear the kid yelling at his dad. Didn’t learn *that* from my folks though. My parents officially split last year, after nearly 35 years of marriage… What did I learn? To call each other out on your shit. It’s vital! My dad never bitched about the countless acts of BS my mom would pull. And… after teetering on the edge of suicide, he left her instead of killing himself. I can get over the divorce — I seriously doubt I would’ve gotten over my father killing himself. My relationship with my mother is unstable enough. I’m happily married and the hubs & I will celebrate our 14th wedding anniversary this year… we vowed to never become our parents. But I suppose once we hit our 40th, anything goes, eh?! Fun post!!
An Awesome post on Kelli @ Momma Needs a Beer´s blog … Mono Strikes Back: aka, My Holiday As A Cat

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3 Amanda January 3, 2012 at 5:31 pm

My parents are about 8 months shy of their 25th wedding anniversary. I’ve never stopped to think about how odd that is in today’s society. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my parents’ marriage, it’s that you need to talk everything out, no matter what the volume.

40 years is pretty intense though, wow!
An Awesome post on Amanda´s blog … Ron Wilson should hire me as a motivational speaker for the Toronto Maple Leafs

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4 chrisinphx January 3, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Im 33 unmarried and no kids but somehow I’ve already turned into my Grandfather…3 days ago I actually told the neighbors kid to get a damn haircut.

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5 Erin@MommyontheSpot January 3, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Awesome post! I see we hail from the same background.

I also love that you referenced that PSA. I remember it so vividly!

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6 Al_Pal January 3, 2012 at 11:19 pm

Heh. We’re unusual in being four kids with the same parents, and NOT religious. ;p

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7 Amy January 4, 2012 at 6:30 am

I too come from an abnormal, married for life family. And both my parents are now certifiable and just about everything the other one does drives the other one nuts. But they wouldn’t have it any other way!
An Awesome post on Amy´s blog … The Sad Story of Chakra Khan

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8 Allison Zapata January 4, 2012 at 11:36 am

mmmmm, pot.
An Awesome post on Allison Zapata´s blog … A New Year’s Eve Public Service Announcement.

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9 Plumbers Maroubra January 29, 2012 at 5:14 am

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Your own writing taste has been surprised me. Thank you, really great article.

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