This month, my period came early. I’m pretty sure it has everything to do with the screaming baby with whom I spent the night.
By “screaming” I literally mean “bloody murder/a limb is being removed/wake up the neighborhood screaming.”
I believe in the power of the mind-body connection. Well, to an extent because I still haven’t found the connection that tells my mind that my body doesn’t need more cheeseburgers, but the message isn’t getting through. It’s this mind-body connection that jump-started my menses to make extra super sure that I didn’t get pregnant this month. Neveryoumind the vasectomy the man I’m boinking had 7 years ago; without castration, ball snips can’t be 100% trusted.
As I do every so often, I took my children to spend 2 days at my sister’s house so my 7- and 8-year-old children could babysit her 22-month-old and 4-year old ones.
By “babysit” I mean “Jackie and I sit on the couch watching Parking Wars while the 4 children are banished from the living room with strict instructions to notify us of nefarious goings on.”
Around 10pm Sunday night, my angelic 22-month-old niece woke up, deciding it was time to be awake. Eyes wide open without a hint of succumbing to the Sandman, this kid was determined to stay awake. Around 11pm, I decided to go to bed seeing as my 2 kids were fast asleep with the understanding that they were not toddlers and could be made to stay where I put them. Jackie stayed up until around midnight with her still-angelic, still-awake daughter, deciding to enforce the You’re Going To Sleep In Your Bed No Matter What parenting scheme.
It was at this time that the still-very-awake, not-so-angelic 22-month-old child began her tirade, hellbent on keeping everyone in the house awake, and it lasted for forever.
That’s when my uterus got the message from my brain that it was time to hurry it up and crank out that egg for fear of another Screaming Banshee being implanted in my body.
Sweet Baby Jeesus, I love my children and my nieces and nephew. But the thought of going through a toddler screaming, pacifier weaning, you-can’t-reason-with-a-toddler night again is enough to shut that whole thing down.