We all know the standard reasons why people want to have children: undying love, smiles when you enter the room, looking at the world through their eyes. You know, the good stuff you expect.
I love it. I love my girls. I love everything my girls provide for me.
Once your have your kids, there are benefits you didn’t know you were going to reap when you produced the kidlets. Benefits that are primarily for your own comfort and enhance your life.
1) Fetching beers – Shortly after your kids start walking, you can start teaching them how to open and close the refrigerator. It’s important to teach the kids to CLOSE the door so you don’t have to get up off your arse to close it. That’s kind of the whole point of having the kids get the beer in the first place.
2) Scratching your back – This is a surprisingly tough one to teach because it requires focus. In the beginning, the kids only 1/2-ass scratch then stop after 2-3 seconds. Major tease. As they get a bit older, you can use motivators (ie. toys, candy, money) to encourage longer back scratching sessions.
3) Snacks in the house – It’s not like you don’t have snacks in the house before kids, but when you have kids, you don’t feel as guilty for having them. Snacks in the house for kids are important for preventing tantrums, bribery, and creating commercial memories (see: Oreo commercials).
4) Testing the macaroni & cheese at all restaurants – Before kids, you never ever order macaroni & cheese as a main dish. If it’s a specialty with gruyère or nutmeg, then of course it’s acceptable to order. However, ordering mac & cheese as your main dish at a restaurant is not the norm. When you have kids, you get to test all of the mac & cheeses at all kid-friendly restaurants. My favorite so far is California Pizza Kitchen.
5) Appreciation of a good nap – There is NO WAY IN THE FRIGGIN WORLD you can understand the importance of a good nap (yours and theirs) without having kids.
What are your unknown benefits to having kids?
There are benefits to having kids? I never realised until now. Maybe it’s cos I don’t drink beer and there’s never been a time when I’ve not had snacks in the house.
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Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
Twitter: alotofnothing
Reply:
i don’t drink beer, but they can get me sodas. works for everyone.
Twitter: Tara_R
says:
Once my daughter reached high school age, and was concerned with her makeup and eyebrows, I could get her to help me tame my own facial caterpillars, since her eyesight was much better than mine and she got the added benefit of inflicting pain on her dear old mom.
Question on snacks – used to prevent your tantrums or the kids’?
Tara R.´s last blog ..Mingled yarn, good and ill…
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
Twitter: alotofnothing
Reply:
prevents both tantrums.
AMEN, sista!!! I agree with all of the above … plus:
1.) One more opportunity to get Halloween candy even though you’re too old to trick-or-treat;
2.) “I just had a baby” makes people more accepting of love handles and thunder thighs. Even if your “baby” is, like, four.
Great post!
Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy´s last blog ..Butterboobs
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
Twitter: alotofnothing
Reply:
YES! halloween candy!!
and the “just had a baby” works. my oldest is 5 and i still carry her weight on my tummy.
One of ours was a boy. Imagine my husband’s joy when the kid turned 13 and took over the lawn mowing duties.
I think I already told you about the after-dinner routine during elementary school. I helped with spelling words and in return got a foot massage. Then it was cookies for everybody.
Little Miss Sunshine State´s last blog ..Fire In The Hole!!! (of my oven)
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
Twitter: alotofnothing
Reply:
lawn mowing is for boys AND girls – i used to do it as a teenager. we can’t WAIT til our girls can do it.
I make my three year old run up and down the stairs so I don’t have to. He’s really helpful that way. It also assists in burning off the crazy amount of energy he has…
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Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
Twitter: alotofnothing
Reply:
bonus! we don’t have stairs, but that would be a perk.
The beer is also my main one. Absolutely. Oh, and an excuse not to do housework. But then they also produce lots of mess. And watching slapstick stuff, like AFV which I didn’t dare before because it would be uncool.
Mwa´s last blog ..I can, and I will
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
Twitter: alotofnothing
Reply:
“please excuse my shoes in the middle of the floor because i have kids”
totally works.
Twitter: Issascrazyworld
says:
Ice cream is a food group. I mean, I knew that before, but it seems more appropriate when you have kids. Oh and going to Disney isn’t seen as weird.
Also, I’ve always loved to swing. But without kids it would seem weird to go to a park.
Issa´s last blog ..It shouldn’t be this hard
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
Twitter: alotofnothing
Reply:
i totally read that you liked “swinging” as in with other couples.
glad i went back and re-read.
Issa
Twitter: Issascrazyworld
Reply:
LOL. No…just um yeah. Swing. Singular. Am cracking up.
Issa´s last blog ..It shouldn’t be this hard
Twitter: madatmama
says:
My weekends automatically have ten more hours in them. Instead of waking up around 10 AM like I used to, now we get up at 5 AM. Nearly a whole extra day!
Really though, the weekend does feel longer. Then again, so do Mondays.
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
Twitter: alotofnothing
Reply:
it should be illegal to wake up before 8am on a weekend.
Seriously, Amelia orders Mac and Cheese every single place we go. One time the waitress asked her “What would you like?” and she replied “Mac and Cheese,” which was not on the menu. The girl said “Oh we don’t have that,” to which Amelia replied “but you asked what I would like.” She was only 3 at the time and we had already decided she was going to have a grilled cheese sandwich but when the waitress asked her she thought she might as well try.
And if I ONLY would have known how much to cherish all those naps I used to be able to take before I had kids. I would love one of those long ass naps now.
Crystal D´s last blog ..Halloween (hey, I am only 14 days behind this time)
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
Twitter: alotofnothing
Reply:
it’s when kids get all smart that we start questioning “WHAT HAVE I DONE?!”
I’ve noted my 5 benefits to having children. Thanks for reminding me how great it is to have kids, even when they are whiny and grumpy!
Momma2-3´s last blog ..Top Five Benefits to Having Children
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
Twitter: alotofnothing
Reply:
whiny & grumpy are totally out-weighed when they scratch my back.
I can’t really say of course, but I’m looking forward to some small scale drug trafficking.
Martin´s last blog ..No pain, no name
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
Twitter: alotofnothing
Reply:
diapers can hold a lot of crack. i think.
Martin Reply:
This is like volleyball
Martin´s last blog ..No pain, no name
True! Every single one of them!
So glad it’s not just me!
Sincerely Jenni´s last blog ..I_Blog Conference: Deb of DebWorks
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
Twitter: alotofnothing
Reply:
you have to look at the little things, no matter how small. even if the small things break you foot when you step on them.
Twitter: mommy_wins
says:
1) TP runners (as in your bathroom is out and they can run another roll to you)
2) the older ones can be taught to play with, entertain and teach the younger (giving me nearly 15 consecutive minutes to read People)
3) they give you reasons to introduce yourself to other Moms (“Oooh. Sorry my kid just button-hooked your kid.”)
Colleen – Mommy Always Wins´s last blog ..Peep tea
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
Twitter: alotofnothing
Reply:
1) stupid child-lock on my other bathroom cabinet prevents this in my house. i need to take that off NOW.
2) YESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!
3) yeah, but i’m not so good at face-to-face meetings. that’s why i’m online 20+ hours a day.
We are SO in each other’s head. That is full of awesome.
Aunt Becky´s last blog ..Today We Fight
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
Twitter: alotofnothing
Reply:
you’re my long-lost crazy-in-the-head twin.
I’m agreeing with most of those… and definitely trick-or-treating and TP running, like the others said! My 4 yr old loves taking the recyclables and garbage to the curb. He also loves bringing in the mail, which is great when it’s freezing and/or raining! Also, it’s an excuse not to have to power-walk when i’m exercising “oh, he can’t walk that fast”
Luckily for me, my son has never ordered mac and cheese anywhere, and we don’t even make it at home anymore, he’s over that stage. Last week, he surprised our waitress and the friends we were dining with by ordering shrimp and soup. I have an odd child. hehe
I’m hell-bent on teaching the girl to brew the perfect pot of coffee. We’re almost there.
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They have their own kids which gives you…grandkids.
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I am embrassed for you about the BEer comment, but love the mac and cheese part!
You get to relive the highlights of your own childhood by playing with their toys and watching SuperFriends!
Love the back scratch one… Definitely true in our house! Also, all of the very low cost (allowance) cleaning. I will never scrub my boys toilet again, now that they are old enough to do it!
Tiffany´s last blog ..Wednesday Weigh-In
I’d give my crappy right eye for a nap. Even a five minute nap.
Don’t care. I just want sleep.
Twitter: agirlnamedmel
says:
you forgot playing with /brushing your hair. I love that.
My daughter won’t fetch me a beer. She gets offended when I drink alcohol around her, but I have a 2nd that is walking and will understand beer in no time