Every night as my head hits the pillow, I wonder what sounds I might fear hear, laugh at, or be frightened by. No, not in my dreams. By my husband.
HockeyMan takes Ambien each night out of necessity. He’s always been a sleep-talker, but because of the Ambien, his talking is amplified 10x.
His mom’s favorite sleep-talking phrase is one where she asked him what time he had to be up. His answer: “A half passed destiny.” Right. I’ll get you up then.
Because I so enjoy a list, I’ll give you a run-down of some of the things I have experienced in the late-night hours of sleeping next to HockeyMan.
- Uproarious laughing. Wake the house up laughing. It lasts for 5 seconds, and then silence. I’ve tried asking him what was so funny, but I get no response.
- Jibber-jabber. This is the most commonly heard sleep-talking. I’ve tried so hard to determine what he’s actually saying, even asking him what he’s saying, but to no avail.
- Groping. I know this doesn’t fall in line with sleep-talking, but it’s a side-effect of the Ambien. He will roll over, and aggressively grope me. Now, you think that would be nice under normal circumstances. But when he’s DEAD asleep and has no idea what he’s doing, it’s kind of creepy. Back off sleepy man.
- Tickling. Again, doesn’t fall in with sleep-talking, but he’s DEAD asleep. I’ve been awoken by HockeyMan ATTACKING me and tickling me all-the-while laughing very creepily. It was very frightening, but then again, really funny. Then it stops in about 5 seconds, and he’s back to dreamyland.
- Kick save. HockeyMan is plays hockey (duh), and he’s the goalie on his team. In that dreamyland state just before full sleepage, he’s made a few kick saves and glove saves. Those are kinda scary.
- Questions. This one needs some set-up. I had been out with my girlfriends (this happens about once a year unfortunately), and my drunky friends decided it would be funny to stop by my house to say hi to HockeyMan. It was still a bit early, so he was still up and awake. I have a crazy friend - you know, the one who will do ANYTHING. She and HockeyMan are close (no funny ideas) and kid each other all the time. So when I came to bed that night/morning, I cuddled up to HockeyMan.
That’s when he asked, “Which one are you?” Ummmm… Exsqueeze me? Which one am I?
Apparently, when he was falling asleep, he thought that if it had been just 30 min later when all us girls showed up, that my crazy friend would have gone in and jumped up and down on our bed, or even cuddled up to him, to wake him up. Very valid. So, he was thinking that we had come back and someone, not me, had crawled into bed with him. Yeah… it was me. Sorry for your luck, HockeyMan.
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My husband doesn’t sleep talk often. But a couple weeks ago when I was getting in bed he scolded “me” by angrily shouting “KENZIE!” Um…that’s our two-year old…lol! When I teased him about it the next day he had no memory of it. Crazy! I think your husband’s sleeping laughter would freak me out.
OMG, OMG, I died laughing!! I might or might not want to take some Ambien now. {looks around sheepishly}
BTW: Let’s meet in New Orleans!
I’ve heard some crazy things about people actually driving in their sleep while on Ambien. Doesn’t do that for me unfortunately, think of all the errands I could get done while catching up on sleep!!
very interesting! my man twitches as he goes into a deep sleep; he’s actually thrown himself off the bed before!
My hubby doesn’t take anything and he still pulls all the same stuff! Maybe if he took Ambien he would stop?
My fav- onetime when I told him it was time to wake up..
His reply, while still asleep, was “for $50.” He doesn’t remember saying that…
That’s hilarious! Mine just snores. I think I’d rather be sleep-groped (even if it is totally creepy…)
Evidently when my husband brought our crying toddler to bed with us in the middle of the night, I asked him if she was a strip of bacon.
Okay, I seriously was cracked up reading that. I remember years ago, my husband was taking a powder called Argenine in his protein drinks. It is some kind of amino acid. Well, I tell you what, if he was not awake in the middle of the night getting frisky, I don’t know what he was doing. Now, I put a stop to that right away, I need my beauty sleep.
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Oh my goodness, you have me gut laughing! Thanks!
ohhhhhhhhhh hahahahhaa…my husband does the whole groping me in his sleep thing too! except he’s not on sleeping pills…hmmm…i’ve been wondering for the longest time what it means when he does it…last night he actually rolled on top of me and i had to wake him and tell him to get off hahaha…this morning he sheepishly apologized and so it’s not like he meant it…he must’ve been having a very real dream about us lol…anyway great blog =)